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Somedays I think, screw this.. I'll just be a stripper. Then I remember I'm fat and I can't dance!
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Not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire and used the insurance money to buy cupcakes!
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Loo Rules. Gentlemen stand clsoer, its shorter than you think. Ladies please remain seated for the entire performance.
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Inside me is a thin woman screaming to get out, I normally shut the bitch up with chocolate!
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In this house wed o real, we do mistakes, we do I'm sorry….. We do LOVE.
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If you have to ask if its to early to drink wine… you're an amateur and we probablly shouldn't be friends!
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I got a new stick deodorant today. Instructions said "removbe cap and push up bottom" I can't walk, but..
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As I have gown older, I've realised pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing people off is a piece of cake!
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